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Monday, September 24, 2012

A little history

As the election draws closer and closer, I have really started to study both sides of the isle in their ideas and what they both want for America. In doing so I had to go back and do a little history on both parties.

I was not surprised when the history of the separation of parties really started to take effect when pro slavery men wanted to expand slavery to the Northern states of Kansas and Nebraska in 1854. Northern Dems of course were against this and believed that the country would only grow into prosperity if all men were equal and could work to earn a living.

The  Southern Dems were for slavery and wanted to expand it as far and wide as they could, they would do anything it takes to get there way. Lawrence Keitt and Preston Brooks were most noted for their brutal attack on Charles Sumner after giving a speech on the wrongs of slavery. They said that if he ever talked like that again that they just might have to kill him. This would not be the last time campaign would become nasty, in 1912 William Howard Taft and Theodore Roosevelt both republicans became so nasty to each other that they lost the election too Woodrow Wilson a democrat who proved to be more civilized. The republicans are still known to this day as being nasty campaigners, trying anything to win. 

Southern democrats that were for abolishing slavery were pushed out of the party making themselves the republican party. The republicans also adopted the name The Grand Old Party or the GOP. These now republicans that lived in the south were not only for slavery but they were also for keeping women at home to serve their husbands and to take care of the house and children. Sound Familiar?

After the great depression the richer white voters abandoned the socio-economic democrats and became republicans, in doing so they pushed out any democrats that weren't for what they believed creating a conservative right wing republican party. As this switch started to happen the more progressive democrats would move further north, being chased out by the southerners that didn't share their views. This party also supported less regulation and smaller government which is supported down to this day.

Now looking back at this short history I see why the republican party is full of hateful racism and contempt for women. This is how the party started and it hasn't been changed since then. It has only gotten worse and worse as they continue to try and regress instead of making progress.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Writers Block

I know every word I want to write down
But I have no idea what order they should go in
I want to shock the reader
I want the reader to be afraid to blink when reading
In fear that they might miss something
I want their eyes to burn with redness

The story is coming to a close
The words will not form out of my head
They are jumbled and blocked
I close my eyes trying to get them to come out
Trying to release them from the entrapment in which they are ensnared

I let the music become a seduction in my quest
My quest in seducing the reader
My quest to get the words on the page
To bring my energy back from relaxation
To stimulation
To just letting it flow and flow
Like the waves of the sea

Monday, June 25, 2012

For the beauty of music

It starts
One note at a time
Filling the silence with beauty and love
Each note is fluid lifting the mood
Fulfilling the need to escape harsh realities
Into its captivating beauty

She cannot resist
Moving her body
Sliding her canvas shoes on the floor
Then lifting to the highest height
Her arms move fluidly upwards catching the clouds

Her face fills with emotional dedication 
She embraces the love of her life
Letting it fill her and move her
She lets go
The pain is gone
Pleasure takes its place

Nothing in the world matters
Only this one precious moment
Where she can escape
Every note brings her deeper and deeper
She can no longer hear the notes
She can only feel them as they move her

The notes slow down
Letting her go leaving her slowly
Ending her meditation
She floats down from the clouds
Though the music let her go she will hold forever the feeling
The intense love has penetrated her so deep it will never be let go

She stops and waits
It will again fill her
Penetrate her soul leaving her fulfilled

Wednesday, May 23, 2012


Every time I think of you all I can hear is your laugh
That infectious wonderful sound that lifts my heart up to the heavens
Your smile is so wide and your brown eyes are almost completely hidden by the pleasure  of your amusement
The way you laugh is pleasurable giving me complete fulfillment
Your giggles make my soul smile in complete happiness
I love you more than the word, it alone cannot express the depths of my heart
There is no word known that could possibly reach deep enough into the soul to express what I feel for you
No one could possibly comprehend  
Deep in thought I look at you smile and tell a little joke and again you laugh, it warms my heart Infecting me with joy
I smile trying to think of more and more things to get the reaction I love
Making me feel full and empty at the same time
All I can say is I love you but of course it is much deeper than the word could ever go
You draw me in without saying a word
I can't help but snuggle next to you inhaling you
Touching you
Your warm scent
My cheeks rub roughly against your prickly french vanilla face
Your skin is so smooth and soft but your cheeks are so prickly making me all red and warm
How you warm my soul beyond the point of pleasure and then you just touch me and I'm in heaven

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

The Bar

She wanted it, every time she looked at him she wanted to feel the weight of his body on top of hers, pushing pleasure inside her. She imagined what it would feel like, what it would look like when he pulled it out. She bit her lip, crossed her legs and squeezed them together, trying to calm the hunger.

The martini she was drinking was half full and she already craved another one. Quickly downing the dirty Ketel One martini, she heads for the bartender, trying to calm the desire that was building inside her, making eye contact and holding up her glass he quickly makes her another one. Waiting for her liquid relaxer she turns and sees him coming her way, though it's dark she examines his walk that radiates nothing but confidence. He steals a look at her as he walks to the bar, and gives the hint of a smile. Sliding in next to her, he has to wave to get the bartenders attention. Smiling to herself she turns around letting her ass graze the side of his leg. He turns his head towards her and she gives him the sexiest look she could come up with and heads toward the back of the bar, where it's a little quieter.

He gets that look in his eye, like a lion on the hunt for a lioness, the hunger he feels deep in his gut pushes him over the edge, forcing one leg in front of the other, logically he knows this is a bad idea, his girlfriend is at the bar next door, but he can't control himself; he chases after her. Losing sight of her his eyes darts around frantically looking for her. He takes another step and gets an intoxicating nose full of her sweet, almost edible perfume. 

He follows the scent toward the back where the music starts to fade and the the lights get dimmer.
She can see him getting closer, leaning against the wall she waits for him to find her, she takes a sip of her martini almost finishing it. Finally he looks her way, he strides toward her, examining her body taking in every curve, from her hips to her full round breasts. She could see the desire in his eyes, she sifts her body to extenuate every curve, making him crave her more. As he gets closer and closer another man approaches her and tries to command her full attention, to no avail.

Finally he stands right in front of her, not even looking at the other man trying talk to her, he holds out his hand looks deep into her eyes and waits for her to accept him. She looks at him for several seconds, then hands her martini glass to the man standing next to her. Surprisingly, he takes it from her and she turns back toward the sexy man standing in front of her and she takes his hand. He pulls her back towards the dance floor and seizes her hips holding her close to him. The music sways them back and forth in unison, the Spanish guitar brings them closer, their bodies pressing up against each other.

He lowers his head toward her neck becoming drunk from her sweet and sexy scent. Her face and neck can feel the warmth of his breath, she slowly presses her face against his cheek and whispers in his ears " I want you". He squeezes her tighter then pulls her off the dance floor to the back of the bar to the right of where he found her. There was no one occupying this corner. As they walked he held her close to his body and she could feel the bulge on her ass developing through his pants. She smiled to herself and couldn't wait for what was coming next; he turned her around and pushed her against the wall and started grinding against her body. Slightly lifting her up against the wall and opening her legs he pressed up against her, she could feel every sensation, making her moan in his ear, after hearing her enjoyment he just couldn't stop.

He reached in his pocket and pulled out a condom, and she whispered thank goodness to herself because she sure didn't want to stop right now. He quickly put it on and into her body, stretching her walls as he moved inside her, she held on to him holding herself up, he fumbled with her v-neck shirt and exposed her nipples, grazing them with his fingertips, and squeezing them. After she let out another moan she opened her eyes and glanced to the left a couple people watching with their mouths agape and others biting their lips wishing they could join in. This just made the sensation even better, he grabbed her thighs and thrust her harder and harder and she gyrated on his pelvic bone to heighten her pleasure, bringing her closer and closer to the edge of the cliff. He was holding himself back waiting for her to meet him at the top. Her breath is becoming more and more heavy, her moans are deeper and more frequent. When he realizes she is there, he squeezes her even tighter and pounding her deep and fast, together they reach the top of the mountain and sailed over the cliff of pleasure and slowly glided back down to earth.

After he put her down, and gently putting her breast back where they belonged he realized that he couldn't just let her go. He wanted to see her again, find out who she is as a person. She rejected his offer to take her to her car and she wouldn't take his number, so he gave her a hug and slipped his card in her pocket without her knowing, hoping she would reconsider and call. As he turns to walk away he becomes face to face with his girlfriend who smacks him and screams it's over. As she turns to run out the door he doesn't even bother chasing after her, she wasn't who he wanted to be with, and he was trying to think of a way to break up with her. He was just glad the breakup was so pleasurable, well for him anyway. He turned back around to  talk to the woman he was just with and she was gone.

She skipped to her car laughing, feeling so free and and happy, she felt like she was cloud nine and never wanted to come down. She couldn't believe that the first time doing this and she didn't feel nervous in the slightest bit. As she fished through her pockets looking for her keys, she pulls out a card, Justin Powell CEO of Learner Communication Systems. She slightly smiled and thought that maybe she would call him after all, she'll think about it, she always wanted to be in control, and he had made it easy to get what she wanted.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

This "Holiday"

I kept it deep down inside
Where I thought it would be lost even to me
I never wanted to see it again and when it came up through the year I ignored it
Pushing it back down to where it was invisible

The day then comes around and the whole world reminds me of it
They are all celebrating the happiness of it while I wallow in pain
I first feel it in the back of my throat
It gets dry and scratchy with small tinges of soreness

I then start to think of things that are and that were
And the things that cannot be and the one that was stolen from me
Closing my eyes I try to push back hard on the memories
Then the ache comes its like no other
Starting from my neck and shooting straight down to my heart
My hands quickly grab my chest as I gasp for air squeezing my eyes shut trying to make it all stop
It doesn't it just gets worse
I have to sit down covering my face ashamed
I'm ashamed by the display of pain that comes rushing to my face

My skin becomes all blotchy red leaving me looking pale and sick
The ducts in my eyes can no longer take the access moisture and it clogs
Letting the excess flow to my face and down my nose
Desperately trying to control it I sniffle constantly
Trying to sniffle and inhale back the pain

Seeing the desperation I am displaying my cat runs to my side in order to comfort my soul
And finally it subsides my throat relaxes and the burning sensation subsides
My heart lets up on the pain
I start to push back on the memories putting them back deep inside
Where no one can see
No one will know the pain because no one will see
Wiping my face cleaning my nose
I'm almost back to normal almost back home

I lay down on the bed close my eyes and just breathe letting it all go
The pain
The disappointment
The anger
I let it go with the air I breathe out

I sit back up and the pain has gone
Back down to its deep dark corner of my heart
Until next time

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Alone in the darkness

I have seen your light
I have seen your darkness
I remember when the light was overwhelmed by darkness
I lost you 
You couldn't see the star I was holding 
I knew it would show you the way
Your back was turned towards me 
I tried to reach around to help you 
You were already to far far away

I turned around and saw the stairs shining in the darkness 
Giving me an escape 
showing me the way out
I turned around to tell you but you were to far gone
Running blindly the other way
Into your own darkness 
Away from my light

Alone I climbed one by one 
They were cold aching my ankles 
Slippery trying to bring back down into the abyss
One by one I climbed
Never looking back 

I could finally see it 
The faint dot of salvation 
The small shiny dot of hope 
I climbed faster
To fast
I scraped my knee
I had blood on my hands
I looked back to see if there was help
No one
I'm alone in the darkness

Giving up 
No not an option not a choice
At the bottom the light was gone
But there was still hope
If I kept going I would reach the light 
Even from here
It's so dark I know the light is there
The star shines dimly 
Encouraging me 
I feel the strength I know I can go on 
I pick it up and climb towards hope 
I climb up towards my dreams 

Being alone in the darkness 
There is always hope
The light at the top or end of the tunnel

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

The Dance

He moved in closer
I could smell his skin
His hand lightly caressed my arm as took hold of my hand

We moved together in several fluid beautiful steps

My mouth right below his jaw bone
I know he can feel me inhaling every scent
His arm wraps around my waist and squeezes my hips closer to him

We moved together in several fluid beautiful steps

 He breathed on me he dipped me and squeezed me
The music where was the music the music faint in inside of me inside of him but we could both feel Its rhythm moving us caressing us pushing us closer together

We moved together in several fluid beautiful steps

The breath is labored the heart beats fast his hand embraces the back of my neck
My head becomes buried in his chest my hands pull down on his shoulders
The beat becomes faster our heart beats meet together to one final step

And we moved together in this one last fluid and beautiful step

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Is Monogamy Natural?

After reading an article about the psychology of monogamy, I started thinking if humans really are naturally monogamous. The article stated that it is unnatural for humans to be monogamous. Because of our natural instincts to procreate and seek out championship, it is normal for people to go out and want to have an affair, or have multiple partners in life. This does show in our society with divorce being a all time high and fewer and fewer people getting married.

So I got to thinking, in our society having more than one partner is frowned upon because of one thing, the bible. The bible was written stating that it is wrong to sleep or even think about cheating on your wife or husband, as a matter of fact marriage is a bible based tradition. What would happen if the bible was never written? How would are society view monogamy, if the social standard was different? 

We as humans are products of both nature and nurture, so if people as a society were brought up believing that it is normal to have multiple partners, their would be a totally different mood about the subject. Then I thought, how much would it hurt if the partner you chose in this different type of world, decided that they were done with you and wanted to move on. Would it hurt as much as it does now? Would it have a natural feeling, or would it be easier to let go of the person that you are with at that time and find someone else? Being animals of both nature and nurture this concept would go over much easier than someone today would think. The natural part of us is already non monogamous so if growing up we were brought up to believe that this is natural, there would be a lot less pain and dishonesty in relationships.

On the other hand though, we do live in a society where, people are extremely religious and believe what the bible says word for word, so the most important thing is to be open and honest with your partner with your wants and needs, and a lot of the misunderstandings and miscommunications will be avoided. I believe in our society this is the biggest problem, people don't know what they want and when they do figure out what it is they need they are afraid to say so, in fear of being stigmatized or looked down upon. Everyone though is a individual, we all have different wants and needs that need to be expressed and understood. Every human has the right to fulfill the happiest state possible that they can posses. That is the spice of life, without it, what would we have?

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Trayvon, Howard Morgan Whose Next?

Here we are again with another story that proves how corrupt our legal system is, and how victims that are of a minority descent, can be unjustly demonized by white law enforcement. Howard Morgan, a police officer and husband was shot 28 times by four white police officers in the Chicago area on February 21st. At the time of the shooting Mr. Morgan was off duty, and was pulled over by police officers for going the wrong way down a one way street. Both sides agree to this side of the story, but that's about it.

According to the four police officers Howard resisted arrest by shooting at the officers with the fire arm he was carrying with him. Unfortunately, the bullet proof vest that allegedly sustained bullet wounds was never located, instead the prosecution used a replica vest to show to the jury. Mr. Morgan's truck was destroyed before a forensic team could do an analysis on it making it very hard to collect evidence for or against him. This already sounds like something is being covered up.

My questions first is why does it take 28 bullets from four Northern Santa Fe Railroad police officers to stop one man? Is it because he's black, and he had a firearm? They not only wanted to stop him but clearly, they wanted to make sure that they killed him? After being left for dead, it must have been very surprising to find out that he lived through all that fire power. So they decided to take another road, get a conviction in court they had to get rid of him in some way; they told the jury that Mr. Morgan went crazy on them and that they believed that he was trying to kill them, all four of them, in his neighborhood close to his house, so that's why they had to open fire on him 28 times. After the jury heard the case they found Mr. Morgan not guilty, on all the charges brought against him but one, the attempted murder charge, they were deadlocked against that. Even though they cleared him of discharging his firearm, they still couldn't decide on whether he was trying to murder the officers or not. There is no evidence that he tried to stab them or beat them up, just that he went crazy and tried to shoot them. I guess maybe they thought that he was trying to kill them with his words. Or maybe he was trying to identify himself as a fellow officer and the four white officers decided they didn't care and started shooting instead.

Unfortunately, another jury was assembled and he was tried again and found guilty by this second jury. Wait a minute isn't that double jeopardy, in the constitution you cannot be tried twice for the same crime! So how did this slip through the courts fingers and why hasn't this been brought up?  The prosecution of course would not let the defense inform the jury that Mr. Morgan had been cleared of every other charge in this unconstitutional second trial. Our justice system still fails to give to all, no matter the race, a fair trial. Because of this Mr. Morgan can face up to eighty years in prison; he awaits his sentence in January.

We can no longer sit back and let these things happen, we have to get up and make a difference, stand against an unjust, justice system. If we don't all minorities should be in fear of their free lives. freehowardmorgan.com

Saturday, March 31, 2012


It started about a week and a half ago, the quite annoying pms symptoms. Drowsiness, cravings of chocolate, a little clumsy. But here's something new I was nauseous the whole time, bloated, extremely tired, and the feeling of carrying rocks on my chest, does this sound like pregnancy to anyone? Well I read that some women get pms symptoms that resemble pregnancy! The funny thing about this is, this just started recently, this past month to be exact. Why the hell my pms symptoms keep changing I have no idea, one month it's extreme cramps the other pregnancy scare. But I'm sure you can imagine I'm freaking out the whole time. So anyway I went to Whole Foods to pick a snack and as I was milling around a saw a natural tablet for women with extreme pms symptoms, and included were nausea, and other symptoms that resemble pregnancy. As most people know I don't take pills in less I feel like I'm going to die (every other month with cramps). Well I'm going to try them next month, to see if they can really block these symptoms including my roll on the floor can't get out of bed cramps. :) I'll let you know if they work. I really hope they do!!

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Landry's takes money from the little guy

So I know everyone is tired of hearing about how the one percent is always stealing from the 99 percent, but after I heard this I just could not help myself but to give another example. Recently, Landry's bought Morton's Steakhouse making it the largest restaurant owner in the country. Of course being the largest would more than likely make it the most profitable. So when I heard of some of its financial practices it made a little bit of steam come out of my head. Whenever you work for a restaurant, usually you get about 50 percent off when you want to come in with your family to eat, this is the norm while at work maybe even more of a discount. Well, at Landry's when you go to eat at their restaurants you get 50 percent off it's lower end least expensive restaurants and only 25 percent off the higher end, even if you work for the higher end restaurant, hmmm that's interesting. But that's not even the kicker, if you come in to open and have an employee meal, drink any soda you have to pay Landry's 9 dollars per pay check. If you don't pay you can't eat or drink anything but water and will not be able to enjoy discounts at any of the Landry's locations. What? So basically your paying for your own discount. It would be understandable if this was a small restaurant with a low profit margin, but we are talking about the largest restaurant company in the U.S. I must say I was a little shocked to hear this.

But don't worry that's really not what got my blood boiling, servers in restaurants get paid well below minimum wage, which usually would be made up for in tips. When receiving these 18 to 20 percent tips that's really how servers live. Every company that uses credit card machines must of course, pay a fee.  This fee usually isn't that much for high volume companies one to two percent. But Landry's doesn't have to worry about paying, they just take it out of the servers tips. So if there is a tip left of one hundred dollars, that server is really only getting $98. Now I know this may not seem like a lot on one tip but imagine a whole night or week of this. They are taking thousands of dollars away from hard working servers that completely depend on the tips that they receive when they work. As if it's not hard enough to make ends meet in this economy. I'm even more shocked that no one else has brought this to the public's attention, this is far from being fair. There is no ethical way that taking money from employees is how you pay your bills, plus making a profit on top of that!!! This is crazy, Unethical, and downright unfair!!! The one percent taking from the 99!

Thursday, March 22, 2012

The fight against underweight models

 For years now, women from around the world has expressed outcry on the use of extremely underweight models and the altering of pictures to make these young girls look skinner than they really are. The girls that are affected are at an impressionable age, which makes them think this is how they should always look. These thoughts can lead the girls to anorexia and bulimia, diseases that can cause many health and even death. One nation though, is taking action against this epidemic of thinness. Israel has put a ban on women models whose BMI is less than 18%. They have pointed out that models used to be an average of size 38 but now the size has decreased to 24. Israel also has pointed out that 2% of the young girls there suffer from eating disorders that can easily take their lives. This ban has out pressure on several other countries to take action and protect these young girls.

BBC News - Israel passes law banning use of underweight models

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Going Natural

In the past few years I have a seen a big hype about going natural, being all organic and keeping those nasty chemicals away from our bodies. I bought into it, after deciding to only shop at Whole Foods or Publix, organic section only, I have noticed a big change in how I feel. I feel much better with more energy for the whole day. So I took it a step farther, not only do I only eat all natural and organic, I started using organic and all natural skin and hair care. My skin is clearer than ever, and stays soft and moisturized. Now even though I started using all natural hair products, I was still going to the salon and getting a relaxer to make my hair straight as possible, and easy to manage. I thought about how I wish I had the choice of either wearing curly hair or straight but I was always told that if I wanted to "go natural" I would have to cut all my hair off. Of course just like a lot of African American women, this idea totally freaked me out, and it went totally out the window.  Then a few weeks ago a friend told me she was going natural, I expressed my concern of unmanageable hair along with having to cut it short. She showed me several clips on Youtube of other women that have taken the plunge and stopped using relaxers. Some of them didn't even cut the relaxer part until their hair was comfortably long enough, laying my fears to rest. Not only did these women have beautiful curly hair, but it was long, thick and healthy. This is what I always wanted for my hair, so as of yesterday I'm going natural no more relaxers or harsh chemicals in my hair.

After I was alone last night, I really started thinking about the psychology behind relaxers, weave, and other products that make African American hair straight; along with other lies throughout the years that we have been told about our hair. One thing is that we can't get our hair wet, we should only wash it every two weeks or longer, it has to be straight or it doesn't look good. It's because still to this day, the society thinks that if our hair straight then we are more presentable, or easier on the eye. It's to keep us in a bubble that makes "them" feel comfortable. What about the stigma that we can't get our hair wet, making water our enemy. I learned that this rumor started because white people back in the civil rights era didn't want us in "their" pools. So they craftily started this rumor. Sadly African Americans still believe this down to this day. What about the "being presentable"? It seems that white and Hispanic girls can wear their curly locks, but when an African American does it, it's immediately frowned upon. This would make anyone feel insecure, and that is exactly what they want, they want us to feel bad so they can feel better. The thing is though, that we should be able to do whatever we want with our hair and our bodies. This shouldn't offend anyone, everyone should have the opportunity to be their natural beautiful selves. That is the exact reason why I decided to go natural, I'm tired of trying to live up to everyone's expectations an leaving what I want to do in the background. I want to be who I am, and if someone doesn't like it, that is just to bad for them. Maybe some of you are reading this thinking "damn girl your kind of late", but I thank all of you that have gone against the grain and did what they felt was good for themselves, not worrying about what other people think; that's what all of us that are being stigmatized or held down in anyway should do, come together and rise up against racism and sexism.