This "Holiday"

I kept it deep down inside
Where I thought it would be lost even to me
I never wanted to see it again and when it came up through the year I ignored it
Pushing it back down to where it was invisible

The day then comes around and the whole world reminds me of it
They are all celebrating the happiness of it while I wallow in pain
I first feel it in the back of my throat
It gets dry and scratchy with small tinges of soreness

I then start to think of things that are and that were
And the things that cannot be and the one that was stolen from me
Closing my eyes I try to push back hard on the memories
Then the ache comes its like no other
Starting from my neck and shooting straight down to my heart
My hands quickly grab my chest as I gasp for air squeezing my eyes shut trying to make it all stop
It doesn't it just gets worse
I have to sit down covering my face ashamed
I'm ashamed by the display of pain that comes rushing to my face

My skin becomes all blotchy red leaving me looking pale and sick
The ducts in my eyes can no longer take the access moisture and it clogs
Letting the excess flow to my face and down my nose
Desperately trying to control it I sniffle constantly
Trying to sniffle and inhale back the pain

Seeing the desperation I am displaying my cat runs to my side in order to comfort my soul
And finally it subsides my throat relaxes and the burning sensation subsides
My heart lets up on the pain
I start to push back on the memories putting them back deep inside
Where no one can see
No one will know the pain because no one will see
Wiping my face cleaning my nose
I'm almost back to normal almost back home

I lay down on the bed close my eyes and just breathe letting it all go
The pain
The disappointment
The anger
I let it go with the air I breathe out

I sit back up and the pain has gone
Back down to its deep dark corner of my heart
Waiting
Until next time