The Shame of Tears

You could see her pain as she sat there. As each memory seeps forth into consciousness she squeezes her eyes shut to try and block it away. Each time her eyes open you can see the tears pushing forth. She looks down to protect her dignity and to hide the shame of her tears. Her skin, though honey colored, is pale and her lips quiver trying to hold back sobs.

"Do you need a break?" I asked not wanting to push her to far over the edge.

"No, I'm fine," she replied through her scratchy, pained throat, "What was the question again?"

"Tell me about the first memory you can think of from your father."

She had stopped the tears from falling and sat up straight, looked me square in the eye as she began her memory.

"I came home from work, I think I was about sixteen at the time. Everything seemed normal and a few hours after I arrived my mother called me for dinner. All three of us sat at the dinner table, but something felt wrong, I felt nervous. My parents kept looking at each other at that moment I knew I was in trouble and I was desperately trying to figure out what I had done. I could not think of anything at all. 'What did you forget to do today' my father asked me. I thought my heart would beat out of my chest I could feel my eyes welling up with tears. The cloak of fear completely enveloped me, I couldn't think at all. I think he asked another time and I just stared at my dinner plate scared half to death. Then it came, he hit me so hard my head cracked back and I flew back and out of my chair and onto the floor. I was crying hysterically on the floor," she said and paused squeezing her eyes shut with her fingers, while panting as if she was experiencing the pain right at that moment.

"You are in a safe place now, you can continue when you are ready," several moments went by before she could compose herself to continue on with the story.

"As I laid on the floor my father got up out of his chair and started hitting me, he was pulling my hair, I just had my hands up trying to protect myself. I was scared to death and started screaming and crying. I couldn't believe it was happening. I remember having to go to the bathroom, wanting to jump up and run to the bathroom but I was to scared to move. He kicked me in my stomach and I started to gag in between the desperate and hysterical sobs and I peed on myself, right there on the dining room floor. I was so embarrassed and afraid that he would see and get angrier at me. After a few more moments of him pulling my hair and hitting me my mother finally said 'That's enough', and the nightmare ended; well that nightmare ended. He walked away and went downstairs and started drinking and watching tv, what he usually did every night. I finally got up and happened to look at the wall behind me where I put my hand trying to steady myself I remember the wall was splattered with blood, my blood, probably from my nose or my mouth I can't remember which it was. After I saw it I started sobbing and went to my room and went to bed."

"Did your mother come and try to comfort you?"

"No I figured whatever it was that I did wrong or whatever it was that I forgot to do I deserved the punishment, I'm sure that's the way she felt."

"Have you ever told anyone of the this episode?"

"No, I asked my mother if she remembered when that happened and she said no."

She was looking at me now, I could see in her eyes that she either wanted my to justify what had happened to her or to make it disappear from her memory. I actually felt guilty for knowing that I could do neither, all I could do is try to help her live with these memories and get over them one week at a time. This was neither the first nor the last, I could see that there is much more behind those eyes and I will get to everything in the coming weeks.

"Thank you Doctor, I feel a little better getting that out."

"There is no need to thank me, that is what I am here for, same time next week?"

"Yes, same time next week."

Is Your Religion a Cult?

Have you ever challenged someone about their religious beliefs and they got extremely angry or really defensive? This may not be their fault. Most religions out there prefer that questions not be asked and for the person to just believe. There are other religions that not only prefer you not ask question but threaten you with excommunication if you do continue to ask, or as they put it doubt.

The definition of a cult is A religion or religious sect generally considered to be extremist or false, with its followers often living in an unconventional manner under the guidance of an authoritarian, charismatic leader. http://www.thefreedictionary.com/cult

The first part of this definition is a religion or sect generally considered to be extremist or false.  religions that extremely restrict the way you live can be considered a cult. for example, if they forbid you to associate with people outside  the religious group. They may discourage you from being a part of the outside world. This would include keeping children away from other children at school not letting them play sports, but focusing only on keeping their "faith". The only thing they are allowed to do is study the bible. They may say that everyone that is not part of the religion is wrong or wicked. This is the perfect way to isolate someone from the ideas or reasoning of other people that may influence the person to ask question and maybe eventually leave the organization. It is also the perfect way to hide deep seated corruption.

How can you tell if a religion is false, especially if you are already a part of it? This part is easy, just look at what they believe. Has your religion made prophesies that have never come true? It could be the coming of Christ on a certain date or even the end of the world. Maybe they keep changing the facts or dates around to suit those within the group. These are big red flags.

Now lets look at the second part of the definition: its followers may be living in an unconventional manner under the guidance of an authoritarian, charismatic leader. Whenever we see the news about cults some of us assume that its a small crazy group with maybe a couple of hundred leaders or less. Maybe the one leader has several wives and commits incest. What if this organization is a very large group, under an unquestioned group of leaders, and there are no reports of polygamy? Does this still count? Regardless of how big a group is, if they are operating under one leader or an extremely small group of leaders, that will not tolerate being questioned, this is another big red flag.

People involved in these groups are often preyed upon by charismatic people that promise the impossible. They are focused upon taking away your freedoms and keeping you within the group regardless of the cost. http://www.nvcc.edu/home/lshulman/cults.htm

Is Monogamy Natural?

After reading an article about the psychology of monogamy, I started thinking if humans really are naturally monogamous. The article stated that it is unnatural for humans to be monogamous. Because of our natural instincts to procreate and seek out championship, it is normal for people to go out and want to have an affair, or have multiple partners in life. This does show in our society with divorce being a all time high and fewer and fewer people getting married.

So I got to thinking, in our society having more than one partner is frowned upon because of one thing, the bible. The bible was written stating that it is wrong to sleep or even think about cheating on your wife or husband, as a matter of fact marriage is a bible based tradition. What would happen if the bible was never written? How would are society view monogamy, if the social standard was different? 

We as humans are products of both nature and nurture, so if people as a society were brought up believing that it is normal to have multiple partners, their would be a totally different mood about the subject. Then I thought, how much would it hurt if the partner you chose in this different type of world, decided that they were done with you and wanted to move on. Would it hurt as much as it does now? Would it have a natural feeling, or would it be easier to let go of the person that you are with at that time and find someone else? Being animals of both nature and nurture this concept would go over much easier than someone today would think. The natural part of us is already non monogamous so if growing up we were brought up to believe that this is natural, there would be a lot less pain and dishonesty in relationships.

On the other hand though, we do live in a society where, people are extremely religious and believe what the bible says word for word, so the most important thing is to be open and honest with your partner with your wants and needs, and a lot of the misunderstandings and miscommunications will be avoided. I believe in our society this is the biggest problem, people don't know what they want and when they do figure out what it is they need they are afraid to say so, in fear of being stigmatized or looked down upon. Everyone though is a individual, we all have different wants and needs that need to be expressed and understood. Every human has the right to fulfill the happiest state possible that they can posses. That is the spice of life, without it, what would we have?