Away and Naked

Searching
Searching in the dark
For the mark of my soul

The dark
Is
Consuming

I can hear my heart booming as I grasp the ledge
I stood to close
To close to the edge
Breathing in the air
The wind swirls lifting me
The rocks
The dirt crumbles beneath me

Contaminating Consuming
Burning
Eyes lips face
Scraping away pulling down
Naked
In the face of the unknown
Naked
In the face of the inevitable

Grasping Grabbing
Panic

Floating Breathing Falling

Heaviness disappearing gravity consuming
Feathers only Feathers
No consciousness
Pure consciousness
Pure connection

Surrounded
Consumed by the righteousness of  the cold
The chill
The wet the cold
Refreshing

No longer falling
Height of consciousness
Letting go

Coming up for air
No
No escaping
Smothering Smothering elements
Encompassing consuming
Darkness

On more breath
Then
Lightness
The Light
Beauty
The Beauty of letting go

Freedom

Freedom from fear

Freedom

Pretend

I can't pretend.
I cannot pretend that I don't want to call you and text everyday
I can't pretend that I don't want to chase you from mountain to mountain trying to grasp your love.
It is deep and I want to feel it in my soul
I want every part of you
I want the beauty of it
I want the light
I want the dark
I want it all
I want to be all that you desire
All you could ever wish for
I want to be the angel from your dreams
And the devil
I want to inhale you
Breathe your into my soul
I want to free you from all your inhibitions
I want to free you
Free you to love unconditionally
As I will accept you for who you are
Come to me
Ride the wave of my love
Come to me

This one is for you

My heart pounds
Everytime I see you
My heart pounds against my chest
It threatens my rib cage

My heart swells
Everytime I touch you
My heart swells
The painful pleasure

Releasing

Bleeding light and love
The Beauty of it the feeling of it
The purity of it

The connection
Our connection
The energy
Our energy
My energy moves freely
Engulfing you surrounding you
Pulling us closer

Abandoning all forms of resistance
Abandoning all forms of reason
The only thing left is the feeling
The feeling of me loving you

Craving yearning wanting
More of the forbidden
Abandoning all doubt

My heart opens
Letting you in
Only wanting to give love
Only wanting to lift you up

Breaking

Breaking when we part
My heart
Bursting
Shattering all over the earth

Piece by piece
Missing you

Come here
Come up here with your Queen
Your Goddess
Where all things are sweet like honey
Where all things feel like heaven
Where every part of you is accepted

Come

Take the love
Accept the love
Breathe it into your soul

Abandon the darkness
There is no judgement here
Pursue the light
It is here for you
Waiting for you

Addicted

You invaded my mind
I couldn't concentrate
Work is impossible

I just wanted to hear your voice caress the melody of my name

See your face next to mine
your cheeks against my cheeks

I want to inhale you as my body tingles with anticipation
My hands yearn to touch your soft smooth skin

Yearning even more for your arm to wrap around my waist pulling me in close to you
tightly wedged against your firm body holding me
As my face snuggles against your neck all I can think to do is kiss it
Kiss every available inch

Tasting you gently with my tongue then nibbling on your ear lobes

Momentarily I close my eyes and hold that image in my head
The desire is so strong I can almost taste you
Though you are far away my minds pulls you close to me

 I open my eyes to look around 

The lust that I carry 

Even without you there
It lives deep within me taking over mind, body and soul

Waiting For The Next High

Every song is a love song
Every moment I hear your name
Your face haunts my dreams
Our energies have connected

Then you disappear

But you keep me wanting

Craving you
Inhaling you
Touching you
Wanting every part of you

You're my addiction

Just when the door on my heart starts swinging closed
Damn, here you are again
Got me feeling so exposed
Making high
Giving me what I need to survive

Keeping me addicted
Keeping me at a distance
Warming me up
Then turning ice cold

Where did you go

 Missing you
Then craving you
Turns into hating you
Then needing you

I'm just over here waiting
Waiting for your love
Waiting
Waiting for your touch
Just waiting

Taking a Chance

Protection
Can you protect yourself while enjoying yourself
While protecting yourself from harm
Are you also blocking
Happiness

By controlling your emotions
Are you preventing the experience of
Joy

When you encase your heart in stone
Are you blocking out
Love

As you blind yourself to humanity's numerous views
Are you preventing the possibility of
Peace

Open your heart
Open your mind
Experience
Just experience Life

Experience the Power of Connection
The connection of hearts
The connection of minds
The connection of earthly self to higher self
Your connection with your Source of Existence
Only then will you feel an overwhelming fulfillment of love, peace, joy and happiness 

Just Let The Light In
Absorb it
Let it consume you
Let it lift you into a higher consciousness

The Warmth of the Heart

It is pure
The release of expectations
The beauty of it brings thoughts
Beautiful thoughts just to adore
In its truly unadulterated form it only gives
With out the need to receive
It only lives
Through your expression
It will not posses you
But only be true to you
Lifting you higher
Higher into the light
Purifying your soul 
So that you may be true to yourself
Only inspiring you to be radiant
Bringing forth your true self
Your true beauty
Inner and outer loveliness
Your perfection
The elegance of your soul
Can only be displayed by you

Underneath

Falling again
Though I try
I try to fight it
Again it will begin
The heaviness the pain
Sanity
A struggle to grasp
A struggle to keep
Unavoidable
The shame that comes from the pain
Unavoidable
The clouds
They're unavoidable
The grey heaviness presses pushes
Down I go
Down down under the ground
I go
To numb to fight though I know it's right
Beyond I go
Beyond the point of no return

The Words

The words emerge
Out of pain
Out of sadness
The words emerge
Out of anger
Out of disappointment
The words emerge

Speak of inspiration
Don't speak of happiness
Don't speak of bliss
Don't speak of admiration
Speak of inspiration

There was no where to turn
Only words would emerge
The battle for relief
The battle would not let go
No one would know

They would only know
When the words emerged
Why there was no letting go

They could know the pain
The pain they could not feel
They would try
Their stones could not feel

Ahhh

Ahh
The pressure
Looking down I see it
The darkness
My head
The implosion
The pain

Looking up I see you
Over me
Right hand on right shoulder
Left hand on left shoulder
The pressure
Cracking shoulders
Cracking under pressure
My back gives in
Bending backwards

Keep pushing
It keeps getting darker
Looking up
Reaching up
Left arm right arm
Reaching
Pleading

Slipping away
Grasping only air
All I hear is the clicking
The click click
Slowly moving away

The gentle breeze welcomes my demise
Enveloping me
The darkness welcomes me
Painfully
I fall
Forever

Oppression

Feeling a heaviness on my shoulders that's not lifting
The hatred of society is drowning
I can't breathe
This world that's so suffocating
I put up the fight
The fight for my life

They let me have it  my life
But then strip me
Trying to take my dignity
They say you can't do anything so I won't do a thing
Just watch as  the country goes down
The flames consumes them

They keep trying to take it from me my dignity
Until I run out of energy
I try to climb the latter and the just kick me down the stairs
Then come to me and say make sure you say your prayers

They say
Let this depression be a lesson
We will not stop oppression
When you stand to fight
We will take your right

Home Sweet Home is so Sweet

The need to get away is strong
Its been a very long time since I've seen outside these walls
Bound by all these laws
Not leaving this place would be very wrong

There is a place away from here that will let me me breathe in life
This place will make me forget all the strife
Away I go away I fly
I wave vigorously goodbye
Secretly never wanting to return

The first day was like heaven
The skies were patches of white and blue
The water rocked me to and fro
With waves of white and blue

The next few days boredom set in the with the threat of nothing to do
No pets to pet no children to scold
Only me and my vacation

Then the craving started
The routine the normalcy of it all
I wanted it I needed it

I needed my home which is always my own personal sweet

Time

You keep saying it
But I don't feel it
Then another day goes by

You keep saying trust me
When there is no proof of certainty
Then a week goes by

A promise is a promise in my eyes
You can't say you gonna just to compromise
The lyrics play over and over in my head

The broken promises
The illusion of hope
Another day

I can see the door opened wide
Getting closer and closer
Closer with every hour
Every minute
Every second

I can see pain on the greener side
I can feel pain on this side
Which pain is worth it

I still can't decide

I can feel the coldness of the door
I reach it with displeasure and disappointment
I can see behind me
Your standing there
Your back is towards me
Wrapped up not seeing

Slowly my right foot lifts
The outside is cold but welcoming
The inside is cold and lonely

Relief washes over me
I lift my other foot to walk completely out
To abandon the glimmer of hope you gave me
In the same movement you are at the door

I'm snatched back inside
Before I can even breathe
The door is slammed shut

Another promise is made
Another feeling of hope is formed
Another hour minute second goes by

Another day

Another week

I can see the door again
Wide open

Then it starts again

The feeling that your promises will never be fulfilled wash over me

Another second

Another Minute

Another Hour

Another day

Another week

The door to the other side is open
The door to my heart is closed
When there are too many broken promises
You lose the illusion
You lose hope
You lose
Me

What does this timeline mean to you?

It started with
Excitement
Happiness
Pleasure
There was a little 
Fear
But that quickly turned into
Love
With the feeling of
Safety

Than came the
Confusion
Betrayal
Anger
Pain
Sadness
Then
Forgiveness

The new start came with
Happiness
Contentment
Doubt
Fear
Resentment
Sadness
Anger
Loneliness
Pain

The result of this pain was
Pleasure accompanied with
Guilt

Then came the

Sadness
Then the 

Self forgiveness which returned to
Love
Hope
Contentment

But then there was

Confusion
Which led to the knowledge of
Betrayal
Which caused
Pain
Knowing the truth brought the illusion of
Hope
But that couldn't heal the 
Treachery

Which caused the feeling of being
Alone
Stifled
Which brought on
Resentment
Sadness
Anger
Which led to
Pleasure with the result of
Guilt

This pleasure
Caused
Unexpected
Love
Which was
Rejected
Ignored
Then
Guilt
Sadness
Resentment
Confusion
Anger
Pain

All of this brought on the great 

Collapse

Smile

Every time I think of you all I can hear is your laugh
That infectious wonderful sound that lifts my heart up to the heavens
Your smile is so wide and your brown eyes are almost completely hidden by the pleasure  of your amusement
The way you laugh is pleasurable giving me complete fulfillment
Your giggles make my soul smile in complete happiness
I love you more than the word, it alone cannot express the depths of my heart
There is no word known that could possibly reach deep enough into the soul to express what I feel for you
No one could possibly comprehend  
Deep in thought I look at you smile and tell a little joke and again you laugh, it warms my heart Infecting me with joy
I smile trying to think of more and more things to get the reaction I love
Making me feel full and empty at the same time
All I can say is I love you but of course it is much deeper than the word could ever go
You draw me in without saying a word
I can't help but snuggle next to you inhaling you
Touching you
Your warm scent
My cheeks rub roughly against your prickly french vanilla face
Your skin is so smooth and soft but your cheeks are so prickly making me all red and warm
Itchy
How you warm my soul beyond the point of pleasure and then you just touch me and I'm in heaven

This "Holiday"

I kept it deep down inside
Where I thought it would be lost even to me
I never wanted to see it again and when it came up through the year I ignored it
Pushing it back down to where it was invisible

The day then comes around and the whole world reminds me of it
They are all celebrating the happiness of it while I wallow in pain
I first feel it in the back of my throat
It gets dry and scratchy with small tinges of soreness

I then start to think of things that are and that were
And the things that cannot be and the one that was stolen from me
Closing my eyes I try to push back hard on the memories
Then the ache comes its like no other
Starting from my neck and shooting straight down to my heart
My hands quickly grab my chest as I gasp for air squeezing my eyes shut trying to make it all stop
It doesn't it just gets worse
I have to sit down covering my face ashamed
I'm ashamed by the display of pain that comes rushing to my face

My skin becomes all blotchy red leaving me looking pale and sick
The ducts in my eyes can no longer take the access moisture and it clogs
Letting the excess flow to my face and down my nose
Desperately trying to control it I sniffle constantly
Trying to sniffle and inhale back the pain

Seeing the desperation I am displaying my cat runs to my side in order to comfort my soul
And finally it subsides my throat relaxes and the burning sensation subsides
My heart lets up on the pain
I start to push back on the memories putting them back deep inside
Where no one can see
No one will know the pain because no one will see
Wiping my face cleaning my nose
I'm almost back to normal almost back home

I lay down on the bed close my eyes and just breathe letting it all go
The pain
The disappointment
The anger
I let it go with the air I breathe out

I sit back up and the pain has gone
Back down to its deep dark corner of my heart
Waiting
Until next time

Alone in the darkness

I have seen your light

I have seen your darkness

I remember when the light was overwhelmed by darkness

I lost you 

You couldn't see the star I was holding 

I knew it would show you the way

Your back was turned towards me 

I tried to reach around to help you 

You were already to far far away

I turned around and saw the stairs shining in the darkness 

Giving me an escape 

showing me the way out

I turned around to tell you but you were to far gone

Running blindly the other way

Into your own darkness 

Away from my light

Alone I climbed one by one 

They were cold aching my ankles 

Slippery trying to bring back down into the abyss

One by one I climbed

Never looking back 

I could finally see it 

The faint dot of salvation 

The small shiny dot of hope 

I climbed faster

To fast

Slipping 

Falling 

I scraped my knee

I had blood on my hands

I looked back to see if there was help

No one

I'm alone in the darkness

Giving up 

No not an option not a choice

At the bottom the light was gone

But there was still hope

If I kept going I would reach the light 

Even from here

It's so dark I know the light is there

The star shines dimly 

Encouraging me 

I feel the strength I know I can go on 

I pick it up and climb towards hope 

I climb up towards my dreams 

Being alone in the darkness 

There is always hope

The light at the top or end of the tunnel

feathers

My skin never seemed so soft until you touched it
Your fingers are like feathers falling along my body
Trying not to melt away into you
Trying not to love every sensation
Trying to pull away
No I just can't
My breath never became so shallow until i felt your breath 

Like feathers upon my neck
Looking into you is staring into the ocean so deep so dark
A sea of hidden pain hidden emotion
Let the wind take it away let it go
Float back to me light as a feather
Touch me breathe touch me
Burning desire engulfs me
Cooling me down with your eyes you kiss me a sweet kiss goodbye