What if's

Text Message from Alexia: "So when are you going to see him?"
Response text from Iliza: " I don't know..."
Alexia: "Do you want to go?"
Iliza: "Yeah, I do..but I don't...I don't want to set myself up for disappointment."
Alexa: "Yeah, but if you don't you'll always wonder what if"
Iliza: "I know, I know"
Iliza: "Omg he just texted me...ahhh...I feel nervous wth"
Alexa: "Lol, your silly what did it say?"
Iliza: "'I want to see you tonight"'...what should I do?"
Alexia: "I don't know, do what feels right...go and settle things, close some doors"
Several hours later...
Alexia: "Sooooo?"
Iliza: "I went, but I think that'll be the last time?"
Alexia :"Did something happen?"
Iliza: "No, no nothing out of the norm, I'm just over it..."
Alexia: "Oh well I guess you had to go through all of that to finally put it to rest...Wow, how do you feel? No more wondering, now you you can move forward without looking behind, you can close that long chapter of your life and start a new one, no more what if's.."
Iliza: "I feel free I feel freedom..no longer hindered by the past...I'm ready for the future, ready to move forward...
Iliza: "I feel like a new beginning."
Alexia: "Well I'm happy for you."

New Years Resolution

So I know it's only December 1st, but I've thinking a lot about this new year coming up. These past years I feel like I haven't opened up my full potential of who I really am, and this year I want to change that. I want to do things that I've always wanted to do, like travel alone, get into shape, etc. So I've decided this year is my year and I won't let anything stand in my way. Below I listed my New Years Resolution list, maybe you can relate to some of these, maybe you would like to steal some ideas to better yourself; please do!

New Year's Resolution
1. Finish book two and three of the Escape series.
2. Finish my screenplay.
3. Stop letting people run over my feelings.
4. Start pursuing my own dreams instead of helping others with theirs.
5. Abandon the restaurant industry.
6. Support myself through writing, and other creative avenues.
7. Let spirituality back into my life.
8. Work on not being depressed all the time.
9. Get into the best shape of my life.
10. Become vegan.
11. Stop procrastinating.
12. Network
13. Take a vacation alone.
14. Let go of my fears.
15. Spend more time with people I care about, and that uplift me.
16. Meditate
17. Be grateful for the things I have already accomplished.
18. Finish school.
19. Pay student loans.
20. Work on financial freedom.
The last most important thing, Have fun!

Underneath

Falling again
Though I try
I try to fight it
Again it will begin
The heaviness the pain
Sanity
A struggle to grasp
A struggle to keep
Unavoidable
The shame that comes from the pain
Unavoidable
The clouds
They're unavoidable
The grey heaviness presses pushes
Down I go
Down down under the ground
I go
To numb to fight though I know it's right
Beyond I go
Beyond the point of no return

The Words

The words emerge
Out of pain
Out of sadness
The words emerge
Out of anger
Out of disappointment
The words emerge

Speak of inspiration
Don't speak of happiness
Don't speak of bliss
Don't speak of admiration
Speak of inspiration

There was no where to turn
Only words would emerge
The battle for relief
The battle would not let go
No one would know

They would only know
When the words emerged
Why there was no letting go

They could know the pain
The pain they could not feel
They would try
Their stones could not feel

Ahhh

Ahh
The pressure
Looking down I see it
The darkness
My head
The implosion
The pain

Looking up I see you
Over me
Right hand on right shoulder
Left hand on left shoulder
The pressure
Cracking shoulders
Cracking under pressure
My back gives in
Bending backwards

Keep pushing
It keeps getting darker
Looking up
Reaching up
Left arm right arm
Reaching
Pleading

Slipping away
Grasping only air
All I hear is the clicking
The click click
Slowly moving away

The gentle breeze welcomes my demise
Enveloping me
The darkness welcomes me
Painfully
I fall
Forever

Oh! That Wonderful Fig!

My absolute favorite fruit, the wonderfully delicate fig. The outside of fresh figs are smooth and soft. The inside are a wonderful concoction of sweet and tangy. The texture of the meat is creamy but the seeds give it a delicate crunch to keep the taste buds interested.

Fresh figs are not always available, the California season for them is June through September. Have no fear though because dried figs are available all year around! So you can enjoy this tasty treat whenever you like.

Why are figs so awesome? Well they don't only taste good but they are very good for you!
Figs have a high percentage of fiber in them, making them really good for correcting chronic constipation. This amount of fiber also proves to help in weight management! Who knew!!

Are you allergic to dairy products? Do you have a problem getting all your recommended calcium? Well the fig can help with that also. It has the highest amount of calcium than any other fruit, 16% of your daily recommended dose. Calcium starving body, have no fear the fig is here!

Have you ever wondered is there a sweeter way to get iron in your system? Maybe red meats aren't your thing and your tired of eating salads, with dark green leaves. Well, turn to the fig, not only does it have a good amount of iron but it also has other wonderful minerals like magnesium and potassium. So if your allergic to bananas, try figs for a change. Potassium is very important in helping to lower blood pressure. Figs also contain B vitamins and vitamin K.

One of my favorite benefits of eating a fig is it has a wonderful amount of antioxidants! As a matter of fact, the riper the fig the more antioxidants your going to get! What are antioxidants? Well those little does get rid of the free radicals that cause cancer, heart disease and aging. That's right ladies, figs help keep you younger.

Well now we know all these wonderful things about the fruit, but don't leave of the leaves! They have a lot of nutritional value also. Studies have shown that the leaves have anti diabetic properties. They lowered the  amount of insulin the diabetic needed. Of course you would need to consult your doctor before stopping insulin and going all in with fig leaves. Studies have also shown that fig leaves can help completely correct diabetes.

Figs are so versatile, you can eat them raw cooked or in a smoothie! So look up those recipes and pick up some figs, your health is waiting!

Losing the Thrill

It's happened to every writer I've ever talked to. No matter if your a great writer, or your just starting out I know it's happened to you.

The lost of the muse. Your creativity has seemed to just have gone down the drain and you can't get it back. This happened to me these last few weeks, I know I have a lot to write and I really want to finish the second book in my series; but I just can't find the mojo or the ideas to get it done. 

So I took a step back and looked at my lifestyle. I was eating whatever I wanted and not exercising, at all. I realized my cramped indoor lifestyle, was cramping my creativity, my brain and my mood.

So first I checked out my cabinets and my refrigerator, two very important things in my house. I saw lots of sugar and fat. Fortunately, though, I usually but organic so preservatives weren't anywhere to be found in my kitchen. So cleaning up the kitchen wasn't too much of a project.

First, I started with the sugar. I eliminated ice cream, cookies and cake. Then I eliminated fatty foods like butter, fatty meats and cheese. This alone helped me feel cleaner, my body felt lighter.

The work still isn't done though. Once I mastered my eating habits, I started going to the gym for only about thirty minutes three times a week. Not to bad, I started losing a little weight and my mood was becoming more stable. I still couldn't create ideas for my several different writing projects, so I made one more change.

I set a goal for myself. By next year I want to be in the best shape of my life. This goal has pushed me harder in the gym doing ninety minute sessions with strength training and cardio. I feel great! Even better, I can write again, the ideas are flowing in from everywhere, time to finish that next installment in the Escape series!

Oppression

Feeling a heaviness on my shoulders that's not lifting
The hatred of society is drowning
I can't breathe
This world that's so suffocating
I put up the fight
The fight for my life

They let me have it  my life
But then strip me
Trying to take my dignity
They say you can't do anything so I won't do a thing
Just watch as  the country goes down
The flames consumes them

They keep trying to take it from me my dignity
Until I run out of energy
I try to climb the latter and the just kick me down the stairs
Then come to me and say make sure you say your prayers

They say
Let this depression be a lesson
We will not stop oppression
When you stand to fight
We will take your right

Race and America

After the verdict of George Zimmerman was handed down yesterday, of not guilty the country was saddened, but not surprised. According to the jury, Trayvon Martin because he was an African American male, not man, but child has no rights in this country. Their 'not guilty' verdict says that a child's life is disposable, as long as he is different. Whether that be that he is black, Hispanic, or LGBT. No matter how innocent, no matter where you live, if you're African American you can be shot down dead and never have your aggressor prosecuted.

Every African American person in this country right now feels like it is open season on our young people. On our family members, on our fathers, our mothers, or brothers and our sisters. Even if you are an law abiding citizen, if you are African American or anything but straight and white, you can still get murdered for no reason, and not get any justice.

The right wing began their fear mongering campaign, saying watch out, there's going to be looting and riots and black people are just going to go crazy. Because clearly in the light of tragedy, minorites can't control ourselves. Because clearly to them, we are animals, and can only behave as such and that's why we need to be treated as such. So that it's always the black person that is guilty, guilty of being black. Guilty of going to the store after dark for skittles and walking home, black.

Even the prosecution gave up on defending Trayvon. They were afraid to even mention that race was the entire reason why George Zimmerman followed Trayvon. The entire reason why he got out of his car and started a confrontation with the child. They decided to believe George Zimmerman and give up on prosecuting him.

So now what? We can't depend on the police to make arrests when their supposed to. We can't count on prosecutors to defend the rights of our black victims, so now what? Wait for 'God' to step in? Isn't this just another illusion? Putting faith in some that 'they' gave us, so that we will wait forever for something that will never happen. So that we will not rise up and fight against what we know is an continuing injustice. What now? Keep waiting? I'm sure that's what they would want, so that they can continue living in their 'safe', 'controlled' atmosphere. While they get in their cars and stalk, harass, and murder anyone they feel could be a threat. Anyone that doesn't look like them.

What do we tell our children? Even more importantly, how do we protect our children from these monsters?

We must go to our legislators, protest, peacefully to get these laws changed. All people must be involved, because if you are different in this country you can be victimized, and there is no one that will try to make it better, but us, the people.

If I had just said, Hello

I was more than the usual sweaty after my work out, the sauna wasn’t burning today but just hot enough to help my whole body eliminate the toxins that have been created in the last week of unhealthy eating and drinking. I could see the bright sun pulling me toward the door, out of the cold air conditioning, promising me comforting warmth. 

As the door opened the wind kissed my face, cleansing my lungs as I inhaled. Desperate for more I 
close my eyes and inhale deeply, taking in the deep cool breeze, as I breathe out I feel more relaxed. Relieved to have gained my second wind I glide as if on a cloud to my car. 

 Looking for a parking spot, up and down the aisles, I let the shiny new black Cadillac that caught my eye, with blinding bright wheels, go ahead in front of me. Though I could barely see into the car, due to the tints, I could make out that someone was politely waving thank you as they went by. Finally I find a spot, so I parked and strolled lazily into the store. 

As I walk down the main aisle, I could sense someone watching me, I could feel the energy as I walked towards whoever this person was, a warmth almost burning energy surrounding me, jolted by this strong feeling I look up to see who could possibly have such an effect. 

As my heart beat faster and I slowly glanced up all I could see was this tall, five o’clock shadow, caramel colored face beauty, with temptingly luscious lips and dark brown eyes that stared straight into my soul; with the muscles that were bulging out of his shirt, I couldn’t help but momentarily stare. Desperate to find a reason to look away, thankfully for me, the aisle I needed to go down came up, and so I forced myself to look and walk the other way and get what I came here for, toothpaste. He walks by silently, without a second look. 

Finally, I have what I came for so I walk leisurely towards the checkout, as I scan the lines I stroll toward the shortest one. And there he is again, right in front of me, close enough to touch him, he has one item of plastic shower curtain hooks, and he quickly glances at my hands and looks away. 

Everything inside me wanted to say something, even if it was just hello, and as I was mustering up the boldness to do so, a nice older woman starts talking to me. She could see the sweat on the back of my dark gray shirt from the workout and she wanted to talk about it. Politely, I indulge her hoping that she would give me the chance to at least catch the eye of the beautiful stranger standing in front of me. Not a chance. Even when I glanced his way several times, he never looked at me again. I can’t remember one word that lady was saying.     

The girl at the register rings his one item up and he walks out. I also only have a couple of things, but before I could get out the door he is already to his car, his shiny new black Cadillac, with blinding wheels. He is parked across and a few spaces down from me. I watch as he drives away and he’s gone. I can’t help but wonder what have happened if I had spoken to him, even with one word, hello.

Home Sweet Home is so Sweet

The need to get away is strong
Its been a very long time since I've seen outside these walls
Bound by all these laws
Not leaving this place would be very wrong

There is a place away from here that will let me me breathe in life
This place will make me forget all the strife
Away I go away I fly
I wave vigorously goodbye
Secretly never wanting to return

The first day was like heaven
The skies were patches of white and blue
The water rocked me to and fro
With waves of white and blue

The next few days boredom set in the with the threat of nothing to do
No pets to pet no children to scold
Only me and my vacation

Then the craving started
The routine the normalcy of it all
I wanted it I needed it

I needed my home which is always my own personal sweet

I've done it! Published my first book! Now what the hell do I do?

Ok, darlings, so I've done it; I've published my first book on Amazon Kindle edition and I'm super excited. Well I was, super excited until I tried to figure out marketing! Ahh! What a nightmare! First let me tell that I have never had any experience with marketing, anything in my entire life. Working in the food industry these last few years is the extent of my sales experience.
I've been scouring the internet for advertising sites that won't break the book trying to find the best most cost efficient place to post and reach all those coveted readers. So after frying my brain cells these last couple of days I've come up blank. Right back at my beloved sites Twitter and Facebook. Oh, and I can't forget, of course, Blogger.

I have found countless and countless  websites that will promote my book for free when the book is free, but none that will promote right now when it is full price. And by full price I don't mean expensive it's only listed for $3.99. I'm wondering what my budget should be for marketing and where can I get the biggest bang for my buck. Check out my book below!

Escape by Shantescia Hill

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Watery grave

I was in the living room when I first heard it; watching one of many favorite scifi movies. At first I thought it was just the movie, and I looked at the cats and they were still sound asleep. Then after several minutes I heard the sound again.

"Did you hear that?" I said sitting straight up looking at the closed door of the second bedroom.

"Hear what," he said not taking his eyes off the movie?

"That scratching noise I can hear it,", I said looking at him trying to get him to see my concern. "I think it's coming from the bedroom."

"I don't hear anything, Renee, can you just be quiet I want to watch the movie." he said sighing and staring even more intently at the television screen.

"I heard something though, it's not the mo -,"

"Shhh!" he interrupted.

I glared at him then continued watching the movie, keeping an eye on the cats, they were stirring in their sleep. I looked at the bedroom again and didn't hear anything, so I continued to watch the movie.

  

Then, BANG, BANG came from the second bedroom. I jumped to my feet with my hands over my heart feeling the beat rate rise and rise. The cats were both next to me staring intently at the door.

"Did you freaking hear THAT?" I yelled at him, eyes bulging out of my head.

"Yeah, I heard it, something pro -

"Well go check it out, why are you still sitting there, even the cats are spooked," I said, my voice trembling. "I have a weird feeling, go check it out!"

"Ok, ok, calm down, you shouldn't keep that door shut," he said scolding me.

  

The cats and I don't hear him we are just staring at the door, I wished it would just open on it's own and reveal whatever was going on inside. He went inside and was out of sight for several moments, and then there was a loud thud, as if someone fell to the floor. The cats darted to the master bedroom and hid under the bed.

"What is it, did something fall?"

After waiting several moments without a response I dragged my legs toward the guest to try and figure out what happened.

"Boo," Marissa said jumping out and scaring the crap out of me.

"Damn it, Marissa, you scared the crap out of me, what the hell."

"Well who did you think it was, silly," she said walking up to me and kissing my lips then my neck with passion.

  

"How did you do it?"

  

"I thought a shot of poison would be best, less messy. I didn't want any blood to clean up. It'll be hard enough getting rid of the body," Marissa said looking down at him, biting her lip. "So what are we going to do with him?"

"Well, I was thinking we could just weight it, take out on the boat and dump it in the ocean. We can stay out for a couple of days. The weather channel said there's going to be some storms so I think it'll work."

"That's a good idea, I'll pull my car in the garage and we'll load him there, we need to hurry."

"Ok."

***

"Is he still lying on the bed?"

  

"Yes, well let’s go ahead and dump him, before the storm totally engulfs us," I said looking at the black storm clouds looming before us.

  

"Dump who, Renee, who are you planning on dumping, huh," he said rubbing the headache out of his head.

  

All I could do was stare at him, then at Marissa, then back at him.

  

He put his arm around Marissa, "Our plan worked out perfectly, you really believe Marissa loved you and not me."

"Now, guess whose going over board," Marissa said running towards me and pushing me over with all her might.

The last thing I remember seeing was their eyes staring down at me struggling with the waves, trying desperately to keep my head above water. Finally they disappeared and the boat started to move towards shore. I looked around desperate for something that I could rest on and alleviate my fatigued muscles. Nothing, I couldn't see a thing, I just looked up at the clouds taking over the sky, hiding the beautiful stars, and accepted my fate.

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Check out my Science Fiction Thriller here Escape by Shantescia Hill

Shame on you Ohio and North Carolina

So it's not just Texas, its also North Carolina and Ohio. They both have slipped in new even more restrictive abortion laws. Not only do they want to defund Planned Parenthood, but they want teachers in grade schools teach children that if you have an abortion you will never be able to have children. They are willing to lie to children hurting them in the long run, just so they can push their hateful anti-choice ideas.

The most interesting thing about this that they are trying to slip it in without telling anyone, hiding it in a budget bill. If their constitutes want what they say they want, they wouldn't have to hide, right?  Now it's up to the republican anti-choice governors to decide whether the bill should be vetoed.

In Ohio people were protesting about the bill, even though it was at the last minute. They are standing up for their rights, not just letting these extremest legislators control their personal lives. Molly Toth thinks that the law makers are using abortion as an excuse not to deal with Ohio's real problems.
“I think it’s despicable they slip these things in at the last minute,” said Toth. “We had people who ran on campaigns promising jobs and economic development and balancing the budget, and this issue is outside of that realm.”

 Protesting, filibuster, and stopping backwards thinking people are the only way that we can continue to move forward and make sure that women do not continue to get stepped on. 

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It's over It's all over

"What time are you going?" asked Nancy shielding her cocoa skin from the hot Texas sun.

"I don't know, Nancy, I don't know, I can't stand out there in the hot sun for more than an hour, and I heard that some people have been out there four, even six hours long! That's crazy, I could pass out! said Maria fanning her already rosy cheeks.

"I plan on bringing a cooler with plenty of water and snacks for the long wait and -,"

"I don't see why they can't just open more polling places, how can someone hate other people so much by just looking at their skin color?" Maria said cutting Nancy off.

"That's just how it is, but we can't let them win by not going, we have to make sure they see that we will not give up, we will exercise our right, no matter how hard they try to cut us off."

Shaking her head slowly, Maria's eyes began to get glossy from the anger she held deep inside. "First it was voter ID, then it was gerrymandering, and just last year they struck down the voting rights act. Now this election the congress is full of republicans and a tea party member is running for president. I didn't think this could get any worse, but every year it gets worse and worse we are slowly sliding back into oblivion, if those people had their way we would all be slaves again. Sometimes it's just to much to bear."

"I know, we are all exhausted, but we must push on, we cannot give up no matter what, I'm going to vote early in the morning, we'll be there right when they open, we'll be the first ones there ok. I'll pick you up around six, they open at seven."

"Ok, I'll see you tomorrow," Maria said as she walked back in the house.

***

"Oh my god, Nancy, look at that line, I thought you said they open at seven," said Maria.

"They do, girl, they do," she responded rolling her eyes and shaking her head.

Maria looked at the people standing in line, "There has to be at least a hundred people here, Nancy, seriously, this shit is out of control."

"It's a good sign Maria."

"And why the hell are all those cops there, what are they doing? Wait, Nancy, it looks like there are two lines, what the hell is that?"

After parking the car Nancy and Maria started walking towards the lines in front of the library hosting the elections.

"Excuse me ladies," one of the officers said approaching them with his hands up, "I need you too step in the line to left, this line here is for white voters."

"Are you fucking crazy, what the hell do you mean this line is for us and this line is for white voters, everyone here is equal, there should only be one line," Maria said staring him down.

"Calm down, Maria," Nancy said grabbing her arm.

"Officer, what exactly is going on, why are there separate lines?"Nancy asked in a calm voice.

"I'm sorry I have to do this ladies, but the great state of Texas just passed a law this morning that minority voters have to show two forms of ID's to vote, to make sure that they are not committing fraud. This can be your driver's license and a credit or debit card, social security card or anything else that has your name on it," the officer informed them hanging his head low.

"So I guess your here to make sure there isn't a riot, right? Because this is terrible and a lot of people, the almost majority of Texas is going to be very angry. I hope your ready for that, officer, I hope you got a lot of sleep last night."

"Who's screaming?" Maria said looking around to the front of the line. "Who is screaming like that?"

Nancy and Maria started walking towards the front of the line where a black woman was screaming at a police officer and he was grabbing her arm. They watched as the officer firmly held her arm as she screamed that he was hurting her. He then twisted her arm to her back and pushed her hard to the ground, putting his knee hard in her back. The officer that Nancy and Maria was talking to ran over to the duo and continued to retrain and handcuff her standing her up and all but throwing her in the cruiser. Nancy gets her phone out and starts recording the episode discreetly.

"This will happen to all those who try to cause trouble," the white officer who the lady was yelling at, screamed at the line with the minorities.  "Don't act like animals and we won't treat you like animals," he said looking at his partner who nodded his head.

"You are already treating us like animals, you racist pig," a black young man yelled from the back of the line.

The people standing in the 'white' line started looking around nervously, the tension was unbearable, they began to retreat to their cars knowing that this was going to go bad very quickly.

"Don't say another word young man."

"I can say what I want, I do still have freedom of speech don't I, pig?" he yells back.

The officer walks over to the man and jerks him out of the crowd, almost dislocating his arm. He yells out, and another man steps out to stop the officer from his continued assault. The other officer runs over and hits the man with his night stick and another person jumps in and tries to push the officer off the man. Then someone else jumps in, this goes on until almost every officer and every person stand in line is in one big struggle. Nancy and Maria are horrified, screaming and crying, but Nancy never stops recording. The fighting goes on for hours, more cops come, they came with their nightsticks and they came with there guns, beating some people and shooting others. Seventy-eight people died that day and hundreds were wounded, all because the SCOTUS decided the year before that the voting rights act was unnecessary.

Obama and the Keystone Pipeline

"Allowing the Keystone pipeline to be built requires a finding that doing so would be in our nation's interest," says POTUS. "And our national interest will be served only if this project does not significantly exacerbate the problem of carbon pollution. The net effects of the pipeline's impact on our climate will be absolutely critical to determining whether this project is allowed to go forward."

Baby steps, baby steps to climate change. Holding back the pipeline is one small steps towards improving our existence on the only place we have to live. What a relief! Not only will this prevent even more carbon emissions going into the atmosphere but it will prevent oil spills that are bound to happen if this project goes through.

Transcanada, the owner of the Keystone Pipeline XL, has had two oil spills a day on average, since the company started 37 years ago! Building more pipelines surely is not the answer when you cannot even make the ones you already have safe. These spills destroy not only precious underground water reserves but highly environmentally sensitive protected areas and your own back yard. These spills are devastating killing everything it touches, including vegetation and wildlife, and is near impossible to clean up. The best way to stop these oil spills from coming to our back yard is to prevent that pipeline from making it's way down through our states. Preventing more carbon emissions in the atmosphere is extremely important, as well as preventing oil spills.

Hooray to the President for taking the first crucial step for climate change and protecting the only earth we have!

Supreme Court Justice? Your right to vote queastioned..

How low can they go? Feeling stabbed in the back by the SCOTUS?

Not only have we had to fight off gerrymandering in some states, voter ID laws in other states. Now we have to fight for our right to vote in states that are trying to cheat their way into office. We no longer have the federal government to protect our rights, in whats supposed to be a democracy. Today the supreme court all but burned in court the voting rights act. This act protected voters from states making up their own voting laws, against part of the electorate being discriminated against when trying to get to the ballot box on election day.

In the past this Act protected minorities in especially southern states, one of these states being Texas known for discriminating against Hispanics. This decision clears the way for them to change the mapping laws, making it easier for people that live in white areas to vote by keeping several voting booths open and in minority area only leaving a few. Texas is so excited about the Voting act being put down they are enforcing the voter ID law immediately. Texas is not the only state though, we Alabama, Pennsylvania, Florida and several others.

This is an outrage not just for minority groups but for everyone that truly believes in democracy. There is so much proof that states as recently as the last election, last year, want to make it unfair for a certain type of the countries voters. Giving their political ambitions an unfair advantage.

Where do we go from here?

The only thing we can do, get out there and let congress know that this decision is the wrong decision, we desperately need laws to keep all states honest. To protect every voter in this country we need laws in place that protect against discrimination. Whether it be blogging, calling up congress or protesting in the streets, get the word out to protect our democracy. What is democracy without voting rights?

Pulled Over

"Ahhh, not this song again," Julianne said aloud as she looked down at the radio, "I can't take it anymore I've only driven twenty minutes and I've heard this song at least three times."

Julianne tried to adjust the radio to a station that she could tolerate but the urge to pee distracted her and she settled for the clique pop station. She looked desperately at each road sign wondering how many miles away the next rest stop would be. She saw a sign about a mile up hanging over the freeway that looked like it could be the sign she was looking for.

She took her left shoe off exposing her creamy white foot painted with red fingernail polish, 'I'm not really a waitress'. She slid her foot under her and sat on it, while biting her lip and trying not to think about how bad she had to pee.

'REST STOP NEXT EXIT'.

"Thank god, I don't think I could hold it any longer," she thought.

She pressed the gas down a little farther and sped toward the exit, only slowing down when she was entering the parking lot.

Officer Randy had just gotten his coffee and was sitting in his cruiser when he saw a red BMW speed into the parking lot. He reached to turn on his lights but before he could a girl popped out of the car, not more than 25 adjusted her short red skirt, slipped her shoes on and ran for the bathroom. He chuckled to himself and licked his lips as he watched her chest move up and down in her almost sheer, tan shirt as she ran for the bathroom.
He decided to drink his coffee and wait for her to return.

Julianne hiked up her skirt desperately and hovered over the toilet trying hard not to touch the seat with her bare legs. 

"Ahhh, much better," she whispered as she relieved herself. "I hope that freaking cop is gone by the time I get out of here, one thing I don't need right now is another speeding ticket."

She quickly washed her hands and walked out of the building looking toward where she remembered seeing the cop. She felt a sense of dread when she saw that he was there, she rolled her eyes and made a beeline for her car. Slowly and dramatically she put on her seat belt and then pulled away.

Officer Randy sat there and watched her, smiling to himself. He always got a thrill watching people's uncomfortableness when he was around. But this girl was a thrill and after she left he couldn't stop thinking about her.

"Officer Randy, come in," a woman's voice came over the radio.

He knew immediately it was his wife.

"Yes, Martha, what is it," he rolled his eyes while talking into the receiver.

"Just making sure you were there, see you later," her authoritative voice came through the radio.

He decided not to answer, the guys on the force already gave him shit about her always bossing him around. He pulled out of the rest stop and sped up the highway as he remembered the girl he saw.

"I hope she's not speeding because I'll definitely get her," he thought to himself, grinning.

Several moments later a memo appeared on his screen.

Drone 669

Turnpike speed limit 70
BMW License Plate 7SE-69X
Color Red
Current speed 95

Officer Randy smiled and quickly clicked the 'pursue' button at the top of the page, sped up and threw his lights and siren on, he was determined to catch his girl.

"Shit, I know that stupid drone caught me," Julianne said as she looked up through the sunroof at the drone who stayed on her for several moments. She slowed down hoping that she wouldn't get pulled over but she knew better, she's been pulled over several times and knew she was doomed to get a ticket. She considered just pulling over now and waiting for the Officer to pull up behind her.

"Where is the next exit maybe I can get off before the officer gets to me. The only officer I've seen was the one at the rest stop. I bet he'll be the one to pull me over damn it."

She saw a sign in the distance that indicated the next exit would be in four miles.

"Maybe I can make it, maybe," she thought gripping the steering wheel. A moment later she checked her rear view and saw the lights, her heart sank as she moved to the right, still hoping that he might just pass her and get the other car that was speeding. When he followed her to each to the right she knew she was doomed.

She pulled to the shoulder and as close to the grass as possible, dug for her ID and searched for her insurance card. She smiled to herself and dropped it under the seat and waited for him to walk up. The officer knocked on her window and she rolled it down and looked up at the tall, handsome and muscular officer standing outside her door. She than nervously rolled down her window.

"License and Registration with proof of insurance please," he said in a deep seductive voice.

"Hello, officer, Here's my license and registration, but I dropped my insurance card under my seat, I have to get out and retrieve it."

"Alright then, go ahead and get out."

Julianne got of the car and bent over her seat trying slowly to recover her insurance card.

"Officer, it's hard to see in the dark, can you shine that flash light behind me to light the floor?"

Officer Randy, looked at her and knew immediately she was being seductive, he felt a little uncomfortableness in his pants that he couldn't adjust while she was standing there looking at him. She bent over again and he shined the light first on her too short skirt and then down her long legs.

"Oh, here it is," she popped up and handed the insurance card to him, her nipples visible through her more sheer than he thought shirt, in the light.

"Get back in the car, I'll be back in a second."

He turned and walked away, she watched him, biting her lip and rubbing her leg with the other.

"Get back in the car," he said to her pointing to the car and turning back around and smiling.

She quickly turned and sat down in her car and closed the door.

Randy got back to his car and ran her information trying to calm down the desire that has developed in his body. He saw that she had several speeding tickets including one that wasn't paid, and due in the next two days.

Julianne jumped at the knock at her passenger door after what seemed like hours of waiting.

She rolled down that window and the officer asked her to step out of the car and walk over to the grass.

"Oh, shit," she thought, "the short skirt thing didn't work, damn."

"Do you know why I pulled you over?" He asked "Come over here and stand in the grass, it's safer, away from the cars."

"No, officer..., looking at his badge, "Randy, don't know why."

"You were speeding, the drone caught you doing 95, the speed limit is 70 on the turnpike, did you know that?"

She didn't know what to say she just looked at him with a sorrowful look in her face hoping that he would let her go with a warning.

"I was going to give you a warning, but you already have another speeding ticket in the system that hasn't been paid yet."

"Please, please officer, please don't give me another ticket," she said looking into his and stepping closer to him with her hands behind her back pushing out her visible chest. I'll do anything, please just don't give me another ticket."

"Clearly you haven't learned your lesson from the previous tickets so I don't think it would be a good idea to let you go," he said looking at her hard nipples through the shirt. "Maybe some other punishment will have to suffice."

"Like what, officer?"

"Turn around, I'm going to have to arrest you."

"What arrest me, for a silly speeding ticket?" She turned around giving him her hands and grabbing at his bulge, squeezing.

He let out a loud sigh, unable to control his desire for her. He put her handcuffs on tightly and roughly putting her into the car. He got in the driver seat and started driving. She just looked at him in the rear view mirror, biting her lip. She could see his features much more clearly in the car and was very attracted to him she couldn't wait until they got to where ever they were going so she could jump him. "This little trip is turning out much better than expected," she thought.

"I'm going to teach her a nice little lesson," Randy thought as he drove to a secluded place off the road. He glanced at her staring at him in the mirror, he couldn't wait to get her clothes off.

Officer Randy pulled off the road and guided Julianne, handcuffs still on, through a little opening by the canal. The only light was the moon light over the water of the canal.

Julianne reached to kiss Randy, but bit him instead, hard on his lips.He responded by grabbing her neck and biting down hard. She let out a moan and pressed herself against him. He unzipped his pants, grabbed a handful of her hair and forced her to her knees pushing himself in her mouth. She responded giving him what he wanted, taking all of him in her mouth.

Several moments later her handcuffs and all of her clothes were off. He pushed her up against the nearest tree, moving her up and down, giving her pain with her pleasure, not holding anything back. She winched and moaned in his ear, forcing him to go deeper.

Pressing himself against her until she was way about him floating in the clouds, and her body completely relaxed. He then released all the tension and stress he had built up, from the job and his wife.

Julianne quickly put her clothes on as Randy quickly zipped up and watched her.

"Do you come here often?"

"No, but I would like to again with you," he answered looking at her reaction.

"Well you have all my info, right," she said looking him.

He nodded.

"Well let's get you back to work, before they come looking," she said with a chuckle.

As he drove her back to her car they were as silent as when they came. He pulled up behind her car, got out and opened the door pulling her out and escorting her back to her car.

"Drive safe, and when I text you, you better answer and be right back at this spot, I'll be waiting for you, and I'll have more time to punish you."

She looked at him and smiled; closed the door and drove away. She couldn't wait for the next time.

The Shame of Tears

You could see her pain as she sat there. As each memory seeps forth into consciousness she squeezes her eyes shut to try and block it away. Each time her eyes open you can see the tears pushing forth. She looks down to protect her dignity and to hide the shame of her tears. Her skin, though honey colored, is pale and her lips quiver trying to hold back sobs.

"Do you need a break?" I asked not wanting to push her to far over the edge.

"No, I'm fine," she replied through her scratchy, pained throat, "What was the question again?"

"Tell me about the first memory you can think of from your father."

She had stopped the tears from falling and sat up straight, looked me square in the eye as she began her memory.

"I came home from work, I think I was about sixteen at the time. Everything seemed normal and a few hours after I arrived my mother called me for dinner. All three of us sat at the dinner table, but something felt wrong, I felt nervous. My parents kept looking at each other at that moment I knew I was in trouble and I was desperately trying to figure out what I had done. I could not think of anything at all. 'What did you forget to do today' my father asked me. I thought my heart would beat out of my chest I could feel my eyes welling up with tears. The cloak of fear completely enveloped me, I couldn't think at all. I think he asked another time and I just stared at my dinner plate scared half to death. Then it came, he hit me so hard my head cracked back and I flew back and out of my chair and onto the floor. I was crying hysterically on the floor," she said and paused squeezing her eyes shut with her fingers, while panting as if she was experiencing the pain right at that moment.

"You are in a safe place now, you can continue when you are ready," several moments went by before she could compose herself to continue on with the story.

"As I laid on the floor my father got up out of his chair and started hitting me, he was pulling my hair, I just had my hands up trying to protect myself. I was scared to death and started screaming and crying. I couldn't believe it was happening. I remember having to go to the bathroom, wanting to jump up and run to the bathroom but I was to scared to move. He kicked me in my stomach and I started to gag in between the desperate and hysterical sobs and I peed on myself, right there on the dining room floor. I was so embarrassed and afraid that he would see and get angrier at me. After a few more moments of him pulling my hair and hitting me my mother finally said 'That's enough', and the nightmare ended; well that nightmare ended. He walked away and went downstairs and started drinking and watching tv, what he usually did every night. I finally got up and happened to look at the wall behind me where I put my hand trying to steady myself I remember the wall was splattered with blood, my blood, probably from my nose or my mouth I can't remember which it was. After I saw it I started sobbing and went to my room and went to bed."

"Did your mother come and try to comfort you?"

"No I figured whatever it was that I did wrong or whatever it was that I forgot to do I deserved the punishment, I'm sure that's the way she felt."

"Have you ever told anyone of the this episode?"

"No, I asked my mother if she remembered when that happened and she said no."

She was looking at me now, I could see in her eyes that she either wanted my to justify what had happened to her or to make it disappear from her memory. I actually felt guilty for knowing that I could do neither, all I could do is try to help her live with these memories and get over them one week at a time. This was neither the first nor the last, I could see that there is much more behind those eyes and I will get to everything in the coming weeks.

"Thank you Doctor, I feel a little better getting that out."

"There is no need to thank me, that is what I am here for, same time next week?"

"Yes, same time next week."

Time

You keep saying it
But I don't feel it
Then another day goes by

You keep saying trust me
When there is no proof of certainty
Then a week goes by

A promise is a promise in my eyes
You can't say you gonna just to compromise
The lyrics play over and over in my head

The broken promises
The illusion of hope
Another day

I can see the door opened wide
Getting closer and closer
Closer with every hour
Every minute
Every second

I can see pain on the greener side
I can feel pain on this side
Which pain is worth it

I still can't decide

I can feel the coldness of the door
I reach it with displeasure and disappointment
I can see behind me
Your standing there
Your back is towards me
Wrapped up not seeing

Slowly my right foot lifts
The outside is cold but welcoming
The inside is cold and lonely

Relief washes over me
I lift my other foot to walk completely out
To abandon the glimmer of hope you gave me
In the same movement you are at the door

I'm snatched back inside
Before I can even breathe
The door is slammed shut

Another promise is made
Another feeling of hope is formed
Another hour minute second goes by

Another day

Another week

I can see the door again
Wide open

Then it starts again

The feeling that your promises will never be fulfilled wash over me

Another second

Another Minute

Another Hour

Another day

Another week

The door to the other side is open
The door to my heart is closed
When there are too many broken promises
You lose the illusion
You lose hope
You lose
Me

What does this timeline mean to you?

It started with
Excitement
Happiness
Pleasure
There was a little 
Fear
But that quickly turned into
Love
With the feeling of
Safety

Than came the
Confusion
Betrayal
Anger
Pain
Sadness
Then
Forgiveness

The new start came with
Happiness
Contentment
Doubt
Fear
Resentment
Sadness
Anger
Loneliness
Pain

The result of this pain was
Pleasure accompanied with
Guilt

Then came the

Sadness
Then the 

Self forgiveness which returned to
Love
Hope
Contentment

But then there was

Confusion
Which led to the knowledge of
Betrayal
Which caused
Pain
Knowing the truth brought the illusion of
Hope
But that couldn't heal the 
Treachery

Which caused the feeling of being
Alone
Stifled
Which brought on
Resentment
Sadness
Anger
Which led to
Pleasure with the result of
Guilt

This pleasure
Caused
Unexpected
Love
Which was
Rejected
Ignored
Then
Guilt
Sadness
Resentment
Confusion
Anger
Pain

All of this brought on the great 

Collapse

To be an artist

Cool, calm and collective, those were my first thoughts when I first laid eyes on David Le Betard. He strolled into the restaurant wearing a sleeveless shirt and shorts covered in paint. Preparing for my inquisitive but prying questions he orders an ice coffee and sparkling water, slumps comfortably in the chair and waits for me to fire away.  His easy smile, inquisitive eyes and sense of humor made it an incredibly easy and pleasurable conversation; he held nothing back as he painted a picture of his life, providing me a window to look through, revealing some of his triumphs along with disappointments. Clearly this artist’s personality hasn’t been tainted by the luxuries of success, but has provided a life that is rich in experience and gratitude.

David has been painting all his life, being a son of Catholic Cuban immigrants he was always encouraged to follow his dreams, the ability to choose his career was of great importance. Keeping this in mind his talent has never been taken for granted; through all the ups and downs the support of his family and sheer determination has brought him down the road to success. He stresses the importance of always being open to learn new things, whether it’s learning a different type of brush or technique, he knows that it is extremely important to be able to acquire more knowledge, and that he is never too good to learn something new.

Though David recognizes his talent, and he has constantly reached for improvement and perfection he has not forgotten his spirituality, he recognizes that none of this could be possible without a helping spiritual hand throughout his entire life. Though he has a strong catholic background he also gravitates towards the Buddhism way of life. He has learned that meditation is a wonderful way to keep his life balanced, and that having compassion for others is what makes life tolerable, this has helped make his life very much fulfilled. To honor this he is preparing for a trip to Spain this fall, he will walk the pilgrimage, dedicating thirty days of his life in northern Spain, to find spiritual enlightenment,  this will no doubt reach deep into his soul and strengthen his spirituality.

Seemingly effortlessly he keeps a good balance between work, play and spirituality. Now the Miami artist is making his way back to Hollywood Florida. He is determined to turn boring, plain, blight Hollywood into a bright, outspoken, colorful masterpiece for all to see and talk about for many years to come. Our own newly formed mural-review committee has seen and appreciated the talent that David possesses, and is delighted to have him paint Hollywood circle. David is not a stranger to giving back to the community and has agreed to head off the project free of charge, so that everyone can enjoy and appreciate his art.

Due to cuts in our education system many art classes have been completely cut form the curriculum, without these classes our natural born artists may be falling to the wayside unable to express themselves in the way that benefits them most. The Boys and Girls Club understands that every child has a different talent, and should be encouraged to express it. The Club appreciates the importance of art and the many other expressive classes will develop the entrepreneurs of the future. In light of this they have asked David, who happily obliged, to help out in educating and motivating the children to express their talent, opening up a whole new way of expressing themselves.

Looking at David’s life it seems he has it all, the success, the fame and the spirituality, but there is still one important puzzle piece missing in his life, a companion. He’s been around the world but still hasn’t quite found his perfect match. As his work sets sail, it will be more demanding in the near future, intensifying to new heights, but he has not lost hope in finding someone to share his life with, knowing someone will fall into his world when he least expects it. Until then though, he will concentrate on what he does best, being an artist.